Man, sometimes it’s hard to fathom how these processes work. But they do. If you want the background as to how the Universe set this space up, click HERE.
My Judgements on “Femininity”
So the pieces that I had gotten so far in this round of processing had to do with my judgement against what I considered to be “femininity” (way deeper than I realized) and deep-seated insecurity protected by a thick-ass energetic structure of ‘rescuer’ archetype applied to relationships (creating unhealthy co-dependency as a pattern.) Also a theme since puberty of chasing and longing for unavailable men.
The femininity piece clarified in a way I hadn’t seen before. I’ve historically prided myself on not being a “girlie girl” (a huge tell in itself) and been one of those “cool girls” who hangs out with dudes, or with girls who are also like that. I have a couple of more “feminine” friends, but who aren’t going to be spending time gossiping and talking about lipstick. Hear the judgement in my words? I wasn’t even thinking those thoughts consciously since they were dug in so far under the belief system.
I also had this longstanding hesitation with owning the fact that I’m bisexual. It’s not so much a cultural fear (since I already live in the fringes and have a strong rebel archetype – plus have many LGBTQ friends), but I couldn’t put my finger on why I didn’t feel like I actually was. It was like I had a sexual attraction to women, but not an emotional one, so I felt like that was false advertising or something…